Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Just not into it....

Today, the title says it all. I'm just NOT into "it".  Whatever "IT" may be.  Whether it's blogging, cleaning, cooking (gasp, yes, I did say that) or even trying a new coffee place.  I AM still into coffee, drinking a cup right now.  Boring.  Plain.  Nothing but a little sweetener and some half n half.  But, it's coffee and it's good.  Anyway, I'm apathetic at the moment.  About everything.  Toward everything.  Even people.  Even my dogs.  Serious case of "I don't care" and "So what" developing here.  Along with a hearty dose of self pity and possibly a touch of depression. 

Why? You so kindly ask.  It's an easy answer.  I have moved.  Again.  From one coast to the middle of the country.  I know no one outside my house.  Well, okay.  I have met a total of 9 people that actually live in Waco. But, they all have jobs, lives, friends, churches, etc.  I don't fit in.  Not yet, at least.  We still don't have a home church - although we do have a place picked out to visit this coming Sunday.  It is imperative for me to get involved somewhere doing something soon.  If I don't it's not going to be pretty.  I seriously feel myself sliding back into how I felt the first 6 months to a year after moving to VA.  Anyone who knew me then can tell you, it was NOT a pretty thing. My family really hopes I don't go back to that person.  She was not fun.  At all. 

Attitude. It's all about attitude.  Currently, mine is self centered.  I miss my son.  I miss my church.  I miss my friends.  I miss my involvement.  I miss Bible study.  I.  I.  I.  I.  I.  Yup. It's all about ME.  But, it's not all about ME.  At least, it isn't supposed to be.  Must. Get. Perspective. Again.

This is why I haven't been blogging much.  I'm just not into it.  I don't like pouring my self pity and loathing out for the world to see.  It's not a side of me I like to show people.  I typically try to keep it hidden and only let it come out in the middle of the night when no one is around to see.  However, today, I am feeling brave.  No, today I just don't care who knows that I'm less than perfect.  Less than perky 24/7.  Less than nice.  Less than a lot of things. 

Am I nice?  Sure.  Most of the time.  Am I perky.  Disgustingly so.  Am I perfect?  NOPE!  But, I like to pretend I am....and put that face forward as much as possible.  Am I lots of things - positive things?  Hmmm...half the time, at least.  Am I pretending to be those things?  No.  Most of the time I am a happy, positive, perky, nice person.  I miss her.  She needs to come home.  Until she does, you may not see many blog posts.  It's just too depressing....and I'm just not into it.

Sorry for being so BLAH today.  Thanks for reading.  And, don't worry.  I'll be okay.  I just needed to get this out so I can deal with it in the open and with the support of my friends.  Hubby is aware.  We've talked about it.  We will continue to talk about it. It will all be okay again. When?  Once I find something outside of myself to concentrate on again. 

Sunday, August 28, 2011

An unusual Sunday

This is a most unusual Sunday for our family.  It's the first one since Justin left for Basic Training/Boot Camp or whatever it is the Air Force calls it these days.  It's also one of the few Sundays our family isn't going to church.  Instead, we slept in this morning. Two of the boys are still in bed.  At the late hour of 9:00 AM, I am still in my jammies, still wearing my glasses and still need a shower.  I just started the coffee!  It's a lazy morning at the Terry household.  The hubby and I are attending worship by watching our favorites Drs. Stanley and Jeremiah on the tele. 

As I said, this is a most unusual Sunday.  But, we simply could not bear the thought of attending another church we aren't going to join this weekend.  Neither of us did our "homework" this week in searching for a place to worship today and rather than play church roulette again, we chose the path of least resistance and slept in.  Not recommended.  I feel empty inside.  I miss gathering with God's people and lifting my voice in song and my heart in worship to him.  I know technically I can do that anywhere.  Even in my own living room while watching tv....but there is something missing.  I need the corporate worship time with other Christians.  I need the fellowship.  Not to get too busy with my "needs" I should also mention that we, as Christians, are also told in the Bible not to forsake the assembling together.  God knew we would need it. 

Yesterday, I convinced Patrick to take a picture of my OOTD!  It wasn't super fashion forward but it was somewhat cute and definitely comfortable. 

Top by Converse One Star
Skirt by H&M
Shoes by Airwalk for Payless

Today's OOTD is still TBD as I'm currently sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, sipping coffee, blogging and listening to the sounds of the house as my people begin waking up and joining the family circle.  You know, even if this is a most unusual Sunday, it's sort of nice too. 

It's funny.  During the day I have so many things happen or thoughts come into my head I want to write about.  Then, when I sit down to do so, I can't remember any of them.  Thus I write about nothing substantial.  Maybe I should begin carrying a notepad with me so I can notate the things I want to say so there is a bit more meaning in these posts, a bit more substance, if you will.  Or not. 

Well, I am off to begin my day.  Time to pour another cup of coffee, take a shower and do something.  I don't know what, but something.  Definitely will begin another letter to Justin - I am doing a daily log for him of what's going on at home while he's away so he doesn't feel so disconnected from everyone when we see each other at the end of October.  Might leave the house to do a bit of shopping later also.  Or not.  We may just stay home and watch movies on Netflix.  Either way, it will be a nice, relaxing day with the family.  I love those. 

Coffee:  Kona with flavored creamers....and maybe a cup with just some half and half so I can savor the flavor of the coffee.   

Friday, August 26, 2011

Yesterday was hard.  The boys went back to school.  Justin isn't here.  Hubby was at work and unless it's an emergency, I can't call him.  So far, I don't have any friends in Waco - unless you count the real estate agent who helped me find the house (she's busy working), the lady who owns the house (she's on vacation) and one other lady I met in town who is also a teacher, so can't call her.  I am alone.  Alone and lonely.  Just reading that makes me feel as if I am about to have an anxiety attack.  It reminds me of our first 6 months in VA.  Talk about a time I didn't enjoy.

However, I am determined to do better.  I'm learning my way around town  vs barely leaving the house alone for the first 3 months.  I'm speaking to everyone I see vs staying home and avoiding eye contact.  I'm out and about and having fun - even if it is all by myself.  Although we don't have a church home yet, we are attending every Sunday somewhere.  There's a lot of sadness that I don't have a regular Bible study to attend...and in a weird way, I'm mad that I don't, so I'm not doing any Bible study on my own right now.  However, my prayer life is incredible.  There are days when it seems as if I pray all day, as if every breath is a prayer.  It's a good place to be....but I can do better.  Time to get back into a study. Or if I can't find a local study, then to buy a book and study on my own.  It can be done! 

Today I went to the bank.  Normally, this isn't a big deal.  You get in the car, drive a few blocks and go do business.  Not for us anymore.  Our bank is approximately 50 miles away.  It's a bit of a drive.  Thankfully, I love driving.  I love getting out of town.  I love being out and about.  And, I love the shopping center where the bank is located.   I went to the bank first.  Then, I drove over to Payless as they still doing their BOGO sale.  I had a $5 off coupon for any purchase totalling over $25.  I thought "why not pick up a couple pair of sandals on clearance for the rest of the summer."  So...I bought these...

And these...

On Sunday, I bought these....

I am going to have so much fun with all three pair!  The top ones are so comfy and cute.  The wedges are like walking in flats.  And, the boots are adorable and comfy and warm.  Very warm.  Great for this winter and early spring.  :)  You can't see the heel in this pic, but it is very cute.

I moved a bookcase into my kitchen today for my cookbooks.  I've only filled one shelf so far.  The rest of our books are still packed.  But, here's a quick peek at this one little corner.  Debating what else to do - other than add more books.  :) 

It's a good start.....Now to FINISH...  :)

A closer look at the top. These are some of my favorite S&P sets.  Notice the ones in front are handpainted with Blue bells, the state flower.  Aren't they cute??
Looking into the dining area from the living room.  It's a bit blurry, but that is a cute tea pot on my table. 
The most important part of the coffee/tea station.
Yes, I drink hot tea too.  A girl must have choices!

This was a gift from a dear friend before I left VA Beach.  It makes me smile every time I look at it and reminds me of Dana and her family who became part of our family during our short 4 years in VA.
This is a blast from my past.  In actuality, it's a bean pot.  But, my Mom used it as a cookie jar.  This summer, I asked to have it for my kitchen to use as a cookie jar too.  No cookies in it yet, but it has a place of honor on my counter and is another piece that makes me smile every single day.  Now to add a few more pieces to have a beautiful grouping.  My goal is to be surrounded by things that make us smile.  If a piece doesn't make us smile, then it must leave.
So, now you've had a glimpse.  As I make progress, I will share more. 
Hope you enjoyed this snippet of our new home.  It will take a while before I am finished. 
The important thing is we are enjoying the process.  :)

Coffee....  Oh my, it took all day to drink a pot of TX Pecan.  But, it was good to the last drop.  :)  The nice part was remembering to set up the coffee pot last night so it was ready to drink when I stumbled into the kitchen this morning.  I enjoyed the experience so much, I remembered to set the pot again tonight.  Hence the reason you got to see pictures of my coffee station.  I was standing there and thought "Why not take a picture...or two."

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

What a busy summer!

Just looked at my blog.  My last post was on June 4, 2011.  Today it is August 23, 2011.  I have a significant amount of time to condense into a readable and hopefully interesting post. Grab a pot of coffee or tea and prepare to read a while.  This is going to be long. Apologies in advance.  :)

First of all, the last post ended with my eldest son going to prom and then graduating two weeks following both of which happened.  He was handsome, she was beautiful.  They had fun.  Graduation was a special time to the parents and a relief to the graduates.  One chapter of life down and time for another to commence.  Yesterday he left home to process into the Air Force today.  I got a text letting me know he has taken his oath.  He ships off to boot camp later today.  The next 2 months will be grueling for him physically (TX heat in August....WHAT was he thinking???), mentally and spiritually.  I will be praying for him.  Lots.  Already am, actually.

How am I dealing with him leaving?  You had to ask. *sigh*  Okay, I will answer. Some moments I'm a basket case, crying, thinking about him being gone.  That life will never be the same again for me, for him, for our family.  That our relationship will be forever changed.  Yes, I'm crying as I type this.  Then there are the other times when I am so proud my heart wants to burst out of my chest as I tell everyone what a great and amazing son I have.  He is such a special person.  Kind, considerate, caring, smart, funny, loving, compassionate....and so much more.  It's difficult having two such conflicting emotions warring inside me right now.  But, I'm doing my best to deal with it.  Eventually, maybe, I can...without crying.  Not today though.  Probably not tomorrow either.  Or next week.  Maybe when he graduates and I can be in contact with him a little more often.  Maybe.

The other biggie from the summer was our move from Virginia Beach, VA to Waco, TX where my hubby has a job teaching NJROTC.  He wanted to do something to make a difference in the world and impact future generations.  This is a great way to do it.  He's only on his second day of being in the classroom, but he already says he LOVES his job and feels this is truly the right path.  Personally, I'm simply thankful he has a job.

Yes, we found a house to rent.  It was a total answer to prayer.  Has everything I wanted and asked for.  It's large ("just over" 2100 sq ft - which beats the "just under" 1500 sq ft we had in the VA Beach condo), a two car garage, 4 (sorta, we turned the bonus room into a bedroom) bedrooms, two full baths, HUGE kitchen with a walk in pantry, dining area large enough for our big table, a living room where our sectional doesn't over power the space, a nice neighborhood and good schools.  Plus, a back yard, with a deck and a place for our grill and a covered area for patio furniture (which we still need to buy).  It's all in this place we get to call home for the next year.  The one thing I really and truly miss from our VA condo was the lovely view.  I don't exactly enjoy seeing my neighbors yard and the back of their house when I sit outside.  But, the view of the moon rising over their house and all the stars is spectacular.  Finding the good.....  :) 

This summer we got to spend lots of time with family as we were literally homeless, having given up our condo in VA and not yet having a house in TX.  It was very strange to not have a place of my own for 6 weeks.  There were days this really bothered me.  Then again, there were days when I was so very thankful for our loving families who took us in and showered us with love. It was wonderful being with everyone and makes me realize yet again how very blessed I am to have two such loving and supportive families.

The downside to the summer was the lack of money coming in and the amount that kept going out.  It was difficult.  Very difficult.  I did not enjoy it.  In fact, I don't think there are words strong enough in the English language to convey how very much this distressed me.  But, yet again, three things happened:
Number One:  God provided. 
Number Two:  My faith grew stronger as I had to rely on God and go to him in prayer over so many situations/needs/wants/frustrations.
Number Three:  My hubby and I pulled together as a team.  By the time we got thru the summer and he was getting paid again, our marriage was/is stronger and better than before.  I won't say it was all sunshine and roses between us every day.  It wasn't.  But, we kept talking and working thru whatever came our way.  It wasn't easy.  It wasn't pretty.  However, it was worth it.  I'm so glad to have my hubby.  We always say that we are a team.  This summer we proved it. 

And now?  We have been in TX as a family since July 29 (hubby had to be here earlier in the month to begin working) and in our new home since July 30.  Our credit cards and van are paid off.  A goal of ours for several years now.  Justin has joined the Air Force and is at boot camp.  Hubby is working at a job he loves.  The other three boys start school TOMORROW. I am putting the finishing touches on the house.  (Still have to replace some things that were broken and purchase other things we have wanted for a while.  But, it's coming together nicely.  When the decorating is complete, I will put up pictures.  Promise.) The search for a church home is on-going, but we are enjoying the process - just not the amount of time it's taking.  However, we know God is in this search - just as he was in the job and home search.   

And, yes, I'm still dressing nicely most days.  No OOTD pictures as Patrick still isn't in the mood to take them and no one else will.  *sigh* Time is getting near for me to expand my wardrobe again.  It is also time to weed out things I am not wearing, don't like and don't want.  When I do that, I will have tons of room for new favorites.  As I was hanging clothes and arranging my closet I realized how many items of clothing I rarely wear.  They need to go to a home where they will be loved instead of residing in my closet where they are barely tolerated. 

Coffee:  Surely you jest.  Of course I'm still drinking coffee.  Yes, it's still a pot a day.  Sometimes more.  Today's flavor was Texas Pecan with half and half.  A favorite I missed greatly while in VA. 

I must not forget my trip to Starbucks this afternoon while the boys were next door at Game Stop.  While there I had a lovely venti misto with fat free milk and sugar free caramel syrup.  In case you are wondering, a "misto" is what Starbucks calls a cafe au lait.  :)