Tuesday, December 28, 2010

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year :)

Seriously, it is!  Christmas is over.  New Years is just around the corner.  The presents have been opened and are being enjoyed.  It SNOWED - starting Christmas night and for more than 24 hours afterwards.  Everyone is healthy (for the most part) and happy.  What more can a girl (mom, wife) ask for?  :)

I'll tell you what "more" I am asking for....some Gevalia German Chocolate Cake Coffee.  I keep forgetting to order it.  It's a seasonal thing, so there is a time frame in which it must be ordered.  It's not a flavor I drink often, but when I want it, I WANT IT.  I'm out.  Need I say more?  :)  If this was my only "more" to want, I'd be doing just fine, wouldn't I?  Time to get on the phone and order a few boxes....tomorrow.  LOL

What else can I ask for?  How about children who don't yell at each other to "SHUT UP!!!"  That is high on my list.  If I hear that once more today.......  I don't know what I will do, but I will do something.  Something they will not enjoy.  Like, assign chores for tomorrow instead of letting them play video games undisturbed. 

What?  There are other things I want? Yup. Lots of them.  Like where we are going to live after hubby leaves the Navy...not to mention what his job will be.  Other things like when will Justin leave for Air Force Boot Camp....or will he change his mind and go to college?  And how difficult or easy will this next transition be for our family? 

Woah, where did all that come from?  I planned to write about our wonderful Christmas and went down a slippery slope of uncertainty that I usually manage to avoid.  But, it is what it is...and it is our life at the moment.

Back on topic - this year we had a GREAT Christmas.  Hubby did FABULOUS buying presents for me this year.  Went way overboard (in my opinion, but not his) and bought things I loved and wanted.  No returns, exchanges or regifting this year at all!! And, all of it was age appropriate.  Nothing for a 10 year old (or younger) little girl.  LOL

The boys were all very pleased with their stash under the tree.  We even managed some wonderful surprises for them....like game systems they had NO IDEA we would purchase along with games.  Not to mention, we even fulfilled wishes from their lists.  Matthew was only able to guess ONE present this year (his swim fins).  It was pretty obvious.  At least he didn't tell me till the day after Christmas that he had figured out that gift. 

Hubby was pleased with his presents also.  I'm so glad.  And, now he's got almost everything he needs for his planned backpacking trip this Spring.  Still not sure I'm excited about him going alone....but I am sure I will get over that eventually - like when he's safely back home.  :)


Saturday, December 4, 2010

Has it really been (almost) six months??

Yes, yes, it has.  It has been a busy six months, filled with anxiety, anger, and acceptance. It's too much to try to put into words here, so I will attempt to highlight the times that effected our family most.

August....I finally went for my mammogram.  Finally.  After rescheduling numerous times over the past 3 years, I got an appointment that was actually convenient.  It was not a pleasant experience.  Even worse was the phone call I got 2 days later telling me there was a problem and that I needed to go for a follow up immediately.  Two days later, I went in.  The tech made many trips in (to squish me) and out (to talk with the radiologist) and after an hour they finally decided all was okay.  So, one week of great anxiety and fear.  And, a year to wait until I get to repeat the process again. 

Finally get the word from the Navy.  Hubby will NOT be allowed to re-enlist due to his back issues. Thus beginning the scramble to get everything done to extend his enlistment until his 20 year mark so he can retire.  Find out he will not be able to extend.  WHAT???  Great fear and anxiety....and then they say "okay, we will let you re-enlist, but you have to retire."  This buys us 9 months to get our affairs in order and for him to find a new job.  SCARY!

September....  The kids go back to school.  Justin begins his senior year.  Hubby re-enlists.  We begin the process of leaving the military.  Lists, lists, lists.  Unknown.  I do not deal well with unknown.  Grudging acceptance.  Very grudging.  Lots of disbelief.  Hubby very upset/angry at situation.  New Thursday morning Bible study begins.  Really enjoying it and spending time with the ladies again.  I really missed that over the summer.

October...The grudging acceptance departs.  I was okay while hubby was stressing out over it.  Then, we switched places emotionally.  He came to accept it and started planning for our future.  I got upset.  Stepped on the scale and saw where stress had taken me.... Got a grip on the number (not going to divulge it, sorry!) and decided I was not going to let stress do this to me.  Made some changes and started slowly losing weight.  About this time, my tiredness really kicked in.  I'd been dealing with it for a while, but it got really bad.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  Went to the doctor for my yearly appointment and lab work.  Everything came back "within normal limits" but on the low side of normal for everything.  Great.  The doctor won't do ANYTHING to help me because I'm "normal" according to the labwork. Decided to up my vitamins. Praying it helps.

November.... My energy is slowly returning.  Very slowly.  Some days I can push through the tiredness and keep going.  Other days I have to nap just to be able to do what HAS to be done, like laundry and making dinner and cleaning the house.  I have discovered I am NOT superwoman...or wonder woman...or any of those super heroes.  I am merely a woman who is trying to survive.  Dealing with my anger at the military for forcing this change on us.  Have I mentioned I do not deal well with change and the unknown? I really don't.  I enjoy challenges, but this one is really difficult for me.  I think it's even harder than the transition from TX to VA.  Goodness knows, that was difficult.  This makes that time look easy.  Hopefully one day I will look back on this time and say "Wow, that was a time where I really grew." 

Justin turned 18 at the beginning of the month.  We had a great time with him celebrating and making the day really special.  Hubby turned 44 and we had fun celebrating with him too.  Thanksgiving was spent with Sandy and Bruce Kastel and their family.  It's so nice to have an "adopted" family here.
December....  Well, that's where we are now.  I am really trying to be nice to everyone.  I've been quite a grump lately.  An unemotional grump, if you can imagine that.  Maybe cold and unfeeling is a better description.  What's sad is my youngest pointed it out to me.  Things are coming together with hubby.  We had a long talk recently and I let out a lot of my feelings of frustration and anger.  A lot of it was directed at him.  I know this isn't his fault.  But, then again, it is as he was trying to "protect me" from the stress of it all, which stressed me even further because I didn't know what was going on or why.  I had enough information to worry and scare me as we progressed on this journey they call retiring from the military.  We worked through the communication disconnect and are working hard to not let it happen again.

Still dealing with tiredness, but the vitamins seem to be helping.  Still having to push thru it to get things done each day...and dealing with days where that's not possible.  It will get better.  Eventually.

On a good note, I am almost finished with Christmas shopping.  YIPPEEE!  I have such fun this time of the year.  I love giving to my family and making good memories for them.  This is going to be a great year.  Maybe not as many presents as normal under the tree.  But, the ones there are awesome.  :)

Will try to update again in a more timely fashion.