What A Mom Does

Have you ever been denied a deep desire of your heart? 

I'm not talking something like "I want a new car, but the budget doesn't support it."  But, something deep, something meaningful, something that in a way defines who you are, how you see yourself, and maybe even who you want to be deep down inside. 

A life changing desire of the heart.

Something that you are *this close* to being able to make happen.  *This stinking close*  But, making it happen will hurt some one or two special people whom you love more than yourself. 

These people ask difficult questions that are hard to answer when you try to discuss the subject.  You know the answer deep in your heart, but putting it into words, words you say aloud, is almost impossible. 

How do you describe such a desperate, deep, intangible, irresistible longing?  A longing that will in some ways complete you, but will in turn make them feel less.  Maybe not always.  Maybe not for long.  But, initially.  Sometimes just speaking about it hurts them that much.

Ouch.

So, to spare others feelings.  Their self worth.  Their emotional needs.  Their security.  You deny yourself this longing.  Your heart rends.  It breaks.  It bleeds.  It will never be complete again, because it is a void that can not be filled. 

Don't worry.  I am okay. 

What hurts even worse than having one of my own longings left unfulfilled is seeing one of my sons be disappointed.  Especially when there is absolutely nothing I can do to help or fix things.  All I can do is simply be there to talk it over and listen. 

And, when I can help, then I do.  Like now.  By dropping my desires for theirs.  Again.  It's what a Mom does.  Gladly.  Willingly.  Easily.  Gratefully.  Unreservedly. Always.  Forever.  Because, they won't always be young.  They won't always need me as they do now (even though they are all teens).  But, as long as they need their Mom, I will be here for them, no reservations needed.  :)