The First Step

We've all heard it.  The statement that makes us all cringe.  You know the one I'm talking about.  It goes something like this:  "The first step in overcoming your addiction is admitting you have a problem."  Today, I gave serious thought to this statement as I poured myself a big steaming cup of coffee.  I thought, "Do I have a problem???" 

Why would I possibly begin wondering something so crazy?  The sheer amount of coffee I drink per day has nothing to do with this thought.  "Ha! Of course it does," you scoff as you read the screen.  "Don't you know how much you rhapsodize about coffee on Facebook and on your blog? It's unhealthy!  It's insane! It's out of control.  Get a grip girl!"  You scream at the computer screen as if I can hear you.  I can't.  But, if it makes you feel better, go for it.  :)

 No.  I came to this disturbing thought today as I was talking with my 13 year old son, who arrives home first each day from school.  When he comes home, he's quiet, kind, funny, talkative and a general pleasure.  When his brother arrives home 15 minutes later, he turns into the polar opposite becoming loud, argumentative, disruptive and a general displeasure to everyone but himself.  He does NOT know why he does this, but he agrees it happens daily. 

But, I digress.  What shocked me today was my reaction.  As usual, we were at the kitchen island. He was sitting on the stool and I was standing across from him near the stove and more importantly the coffee pot.  As things escalated, I turned and immediately grabbed a fresh coffee cup, spooned sweetener into it, poured in the cream and inhaled deeply as I filled the cup with coffee.  I grasped the cup with both hands and brought it to my nose to savor the aroma of it.  I took a sip and held it in my mouth for a moment, inhaling deeply to really TASTE the coffee (it's Texas Pecan today, if you are wondering) much like someone savors their first sip of wine. 

As that thought entered my brain, I realized I was turning to coffee like an alcoholic turns to their drink of choice.  I was confronted with an uncomfortable situation and I turned to a drink.  Granted, it's "just coffee"...a drink that won't impair my ability to drive a motor vehicle or make decisions.  No blood caffeine limits have been set.  There is no breathalizer test to see if I've had too much coffee to drink today.  No way for anyone to really gauge if I've had too much - unless they are between me and the bathroom....but that can quickly get into TMI territory and I promise NOT to go there.  :) 

I've been debating this issue with myself ever since.  It's been a good 3 hours now.  I've had 3 cups of coffee during that time.  YES, I even know when I had my last cup of coffee.  Another sign/symptom?  I don't know.  What I DO know is that I'm a much nicer person when I'm drinking coffee.  I don't dare begin cooking breakfast without it if I don't want to burn every morsel.  I don't talk much until after the first cup either, to tell the truth.  It takes that first one to help me wake up and be "normal" and remotely "nice" as I'm not a morning person.  If it was up to me, everything would start at noon.  But, that's because I'm nocturnal (always have been) and I find getting up early to be highly over rated.  (oops, digressing again)

ANYWAY, believe it or not, I have come to the conclusion that YES.  I have a problem.  I drink entirely too much coffee.  There.  I said it.  It's "out there" for all to see.  I have another confession to make.  Lean in closely so you don't miss it.  It's this:  I am okay with my coffee drinking problem. It doesn't hurt anyone.  So far, there are no laws prohibiting it.  And, if there are, you'll find me on the black market scoring my free market, medium roast arabica beans along with all the other addicts. I know this.  I admit it freely and therefore I will continue my pot a day habit.  My family will be better for it.  They would agree if they were here reading over my shoulder, which they sometimes do (and it drives me crazy), because without my coffee I'm an unhappy Mama.  And, you know that saying too.  "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."  Therefore, I will continue to begin every day with a cup of coffee....and finish the pot before bedtime.

Already stated, but it bears repeating: Today's coffee is Texas Pecan with a spoonful of sweetener and a splash of half and half.  YUM.  Ahhhhhhh