Just not into it....

Today, the title says it all. I'm just NOT into "it".  Whatever "IT" may be.  Whether it's blogging, cleaning, cooking (gasp, yes, I did say that) or even trying a new coffee place.  I AM still into coffee, drinking a cup right now.  Boring.  Plain.  Nothing but a little sweetener and some half n half.  But, it's coffee and it's good.  Anyway, I'm apathetic at the moment.  About everything.  Toward everything.  Even people.  Even my dogs.  Serious case of "I don't care" and "So what" developing here.  Along with a hearty dose of self pity and possibly a touch of depression. 

Why? You so kindly ask.  It's an easy answer.  I have moved.  Again.  From one coast to the middle of the country.  I know no one outside my house.  Well, okay.  I have met a total of 9 people that actually live in Waco. But, they all have jobs, lives, friends, churches, etc.  I don't fit in.  Not yet, at least.  We still don't have a home church - although we do have a place picked out to visit this coming Sunday.  It is imperative for me to get involved somewhere doing something soon.  If I don't it's not going to be pretty.  I seriously feel myself sliding back into how I felt the first 6 months to a year after moving to VA.  Anyone who knew me then can tell you, it was NOT a pretty thing. My family really hopes I don't go back to that person.  She was not fun.  At all. 

Attitude. It's all about attitude.  Currently, mine is self centered.  I miss my son.  I miss my church.  I miss my friends.  I miss my involvement.  I miss Bible study.  I.  I.  I.  I.  I.  Yup. It's all about ME.  But, it's not all about ME.  At least, it isn't supposed to be.  Must. Get. Perspective. Again.

This is why I haven't been blogging much.  I'm just not into it.  I don't like pouring my self pity and loathing out for the world to see.  It's not a side of me I like to show people.  I typically try to keep it hidden and only let it come out in the middle of the night when no one is around to see.  However, today, I am feeling brave.  No, today I just don't care who knows that I'm less than perfect.  Less than perky 24/7.  Less than nice.  Less than a lot of things. 

Am I nice?  Sure.  Most of the time.  Am I perky.  Disgustingly so.  Am I perfect?  NOPE!  But, I like to pretend I am....and put that face forward as much as possible.  Am I lots of things - positive things?  Hmmm...half the time, at least.  Am I pretending to be those things?  No.  Most of the time I am a happy, positive, perky, nice person.  I miss her.  She needs to come home.  Until she does, you may not see many blog posts.  It's just too depressing....and I'm just not into it.

Sorry for being so BLAH today.  Thanks for reading.  And, don't worry.  I'll be okay.  I just needed to get this out so I can deal with it in the open and with the support of my friends.  Hubby is aware.  We've talked about it.  We will continue to talk about it. It will all be okay again. When?  Once I find something outside of myself to concentrate on again.