End of Year Reflections

It's the last day of 2011.  What a year!  As there are less than 5 hours remaining of it, I believe it's time for  some thoughtful reflections about this year.

First, I've learned you can't "go back home" no matter how hard you try.  I thought when my hubby's new job turned out to be in TEXAS that I was going back home.  I had built up in my mind how perfect and wonderful it was going to be.  I had friends all over the state who couldn't wait to see me.  I was going to have this lovely life full of friends in and out of town.  Lots of visiting.  Lots of fun.  Lots of chats over coffee with neighbors.  People to shop with.  The list goes on.  Unfortunately, reality and my dreams were light years apart.  I am in Texas again, which makes me happy.  But, it's not what I imagined and it's taking time for me to adapt.  More time than I thought it would.  More time than I want it to take. 

Second, I've learned you can't make people happy.  And, even more so, people can't make you happy either.  Happiness is one of those intangibles you have to find within yourself.  Happiness is fleeting.  You can't hold onto it and make it stay.  However, contentment is another story.  My current goal is to learn from the Apostle Paul and to be content no matter where I am or the circumstances I find myself in.  Not easy, but definitely worth it.  Contentment breeds peace, love and joy.  These are all so much better than the transient "happiness" we all talk about and can never attain.

Third, I've learned how not to pray.  Sound crazy?  Not really.  This year I've spent a lot of time in prayer.  One of the biggies over the summer was that I would NOT have to do a certain thing.  Please, anything else, but don't make me do THIS....  Guess what I had to humble myself to do?  Yup.  That one thing... In doing so I learned to be grateful for the people in my life who love me whether I deserve it or not. 

Fourth, I learned I am not alone.  Ever.  People come and go all the time, but Jesus is with me always.  Helping me, holding me, guiding me.  The big questions are, am I accepting the help, continuing to hold onto Him and allowing him to lead?  Some days yes, some days no.  My prayer is that over the next year, there will be more days where I can answer "yes" to those questions.  I once heard someone say, it isn't God that moves, but us.  It's true.  He's always there.  Always. 

Fifth, I learned that letting go hurts.  My eldest graduated high school this spring and then joined the Air Force this fall.  He's not my little boy anymore.  He's a man.  One with a life of his own.  He's happy.  I am happy for him.  Really, truly, I am.  But, I miss my son. 

Sixth, I learned that hurt can bring joy.  It's true I hurt because my son isn't living at home now.  But, when I see him and look into his eyes as we talk about what he's doing now, I see how happy, no, how content and proud he is.  These have been good choices for him.  This brings great joy to my heart. 

Moving from Virginia Beach to Waco, TX was difficult.  It hurt to leave friends, "family" and our church to come to an unknown area where we knew no one in town.  It still hurts, but we have such peace about being here.  We have joy as we truly believe this is where God wants us.  It doesn't detract from our feeling of loss, but it makes it bearable. I am reminded of the Psalm that say weeping my endure for the night but JOY cometh in the morning. 

Seventh, I have learned that I still have a lot to learn.  Nuff said.  :)

Funny, I intended this post to be a basic recap of the year and it turned into something different entirely.  But, that's okay.  I am learning to enjoy the journey, one step at a time. 

Coffee:  Yup.  From my new Bunn coffee maker.  Ahhhhh....life is good -  and so is the coffee.  :)

Speaking of coffee, last night I dreamed about ordering coffee on-line. It was a strange dream.  A very thrifty Virginia friend who moved to TN was in it and recommended a service to me that was "very reasonably priced" - they deliver a month's worth of coffee to your home for $400. ROFL....did I say it was a dream?  That price is a nightmare!!  LOL  Hmmm...come to think of it, I woke up just as I was about to take a drink of this very reasonably priced coffee.....  Too bad I'll never know how it tasted.  ;)