I've been pondering a question for days. It's time to get it out in the open and deal with it. First, have you ever moved to a new place where the ONLY people you know are your family? For those of you who answered "yes" HOW did you make friends once you moved? How long did it take? How long until you got over being lonely? Did it bother you that you didn't have friends immediately? Or, did you suddenly have a group of friends? How?
We moved to Waco at the end of July. It's now (almost) the end of October. That equals three months. Three very long lonely months. I know three months isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things and that it takes time to meet people and develop friendships. I know this from previous moves. But, for some reason, I decided things would be different "this time" and I would immediately meet people and begin going places, doing things, meeting for coffee, sharing stories and recipes...and generally "doing life" with at least 2-3 friends.
This has not happened. I have friends all over the US. Some of them even live in TX. However, none of them live in Waco. They do things and even invite me to attend (like a dinner being held soon) but these events usually conflict with family obligations and I'm unable to participate, which leaves me feeling even more lonely and left out.
Before you think I'm not trying, let me assure you that I am. One of the first things I did was find a Bible study to meet with other like minded women and possibly make at least one friend there. Nope. Not so far. The few ladies near my age are either home schooling their children and rushing back home immediately afterwards to get back to classes (a responsible, wonderful thing to do) or they have toddlers and only seem to want to do things with other parents who have small ones too (I understand, they want others with a common frame of reference). The remainder of the ladies are older, with children my age. While I love being with those older and wiser, they don't seem to want to add another "kid" to their families.
We live in an awesome neighborhood. The homes are beautiful. The people seem nice as they pull into their driveways, open their garage doors, drive in and immediately close the door and go inside. Sometimes, they even WAVE - if I wave first. The few neighbors I have met all work. This means when they come home, they have to cook, clean, do laundry, errands, etc. And, they want to spend time with their family. Totally understandable. I want to do the same in the evening. The few neighbors I've seen at home during the day are generally older men out working on their yards. Not quite what I had in mind as friends.
I hope this post isn't coming across as whiny or complaining. I truly LOVE living in Texas in general and Waco in particular. My family is happy here. My husband has a job. We have a lovely home. I am thankful for it all. I feel very blessed to be here. And, I know in time, I will have friends. What I really want are suggestions of what else I can do to find a friend. Do I force it or do I wait for it to happen? I've invited people to lunch or to meet for coffee - and neither offer has been accepted.
What have you done? What would you do in my shoes? Am I some crazy lady who no one wants to get to know? Am I going about it all wrong? Am I too desperate? Some days I wonder if it's my lot in life to be alone. I know it isn't....but I have days of doubting.
Wow...what a depressing post. It was supposed to be light and funny, with some witty comments and a kernel of truth dropped in here and there. Instead it's a bare piece of my heart. Be gentle with it.
On top of everything else, allergy season has hit hard. I have an appointment with an allergist next week for testing, so no more antihistamines until afterwards. It's going to be a long four days.
Coffee: Yes, not enough, but what I've had was delicious. I am drinking peppermint tea this evening, hoping to soothe my throat and stomach. Love it, but would rather have coffee. *sigh*
We moved here from PA in 98 and we are not Navy, which as you know is a huge part of this community, knew no one, all family pretty much in PA, and I pretty much hate people. SO it was us. Family bike rides, walks etc. We eventually met people, but we rarely are with groups outside of our family now. We had a great dinner party with our SS class this past weekend, but I am web dude who virtually has 300+ friends but not a lot of close ones in RL. Then when I do get close to people they tend to move as people retire and move to say Waco :). So in trying to cheer you up, I depressed me. FB life is the way to go.
ReplyDeleteRanddot....sorry you depressed yourself trying to cheer me up!! Hugs to you. Facebook is currently my social life lately. It's the one place I know I can see my friends. Hope to catch you there again one day soon. :)
ReplyDeleteSusan, are you living in my body? We have been here for almost 13 months and I still don't have anyone I could really feel comfortable enough to call and invite out for coffee! The Lord has allowed me to meet some of the sweetest ladies, but I just haven't clicked with one of them yet. I sometimes have wondered if it was I am a Navy Wife and I don't know how to not function without other Navy wives around, but then I realize my core friends in VB weren't Navy anyways. I think it just takes more time in this stage of our lives?!? Maybe? I really don't know the answers because I am walking that path myself right now! Come to Soddy Daisy and I will take you to a neat coffee shop for a day of coffee induced bliss! Miss you my friend. Keep your chin up and stay away from the old men working in their yards! Hahah. JK
ReplyDeletesusan see if there is a hobby lobby around you they usually do crafting classes. Good place to meet people. , volunteer at the hospitals, library , schools, Throw the usual Tupperware or chef party . invite neighbors and such, Its soo hard to make friends when you are new and not too many people are military . the only way i met people when we went back to NY was when i was working.
ReplyDeleteYou could turn in to me! LOL I love to be by myself with my Nook. I don't need close friends and the Few I have I keep in touch with on FB(Like You). love and miss you!
ReplyDeleteOh Susan, I miss you so much! I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone...not a great feeling for sure.
ReplyDeleteI know it took me a good year or longer to start making friends in VB, not what you wanted to hear i'm sure, but truth is I wasn't really trying at first (I was a little bitter!).
I would say keep trying, keep inviting, keep reaching out as much as you can, just like you're already doing.
Also, though, after hearing this, I can't help but wonder if God doesn't have something else completely different and new in mind for you? Perhaps your days of leisurely coffee with friends is over. Not encouraging sounding, but I mean it to be. Because of course if God has something better for you...then it's better!
I love you and hope to hear some encouraging news in relation to this soon...have you ever thought of another child? LOL I'm only half kidding:-))