What a day....

Wow...what a day.

Today started off okay.  Took hubby to the bus station, cxame home and got the kids off to school and myself off to my regular Thursday morning Bible study at church.  Had a great time of fellowship today, discussing fellowship, building relationships, how to make friends, inviting people into our homes, etc.  It was a lively discussion and lots of fun.  For a change I really didn't have much to say.  It was too much fun to sit and listen.  I love spending time with the ladies every week delving into the Bible, it's truths and growing in my walk.

Afterwards I took Justin for his appointment with Dr. Gilbert about his contacts.  Got that squared away and went to lunch at the No Frill Grill.  Food was okay.  Atmosphere was interesting.  Price was crazy. Anyway....money well spent for the bonding time with my son.  It's hard to believe he graduates from high school next year.  Don't get me wrong, I've worked long and hardto ensure he is equipped to leave home when the time comes. It's just coming too soon for my Mama heart.  Once lunch was over, we stopped by the NEX to feed the van and then the commissary for some necessities.  Home again to put away the food, straighten the house, laundry and off to the races, a.k.a. picking up hubby from the bus station and Matthew from after school NJROTC practice.  Back home for dinner and an unplanned 2 hour nap.  Guess I needed the sleep. 

It all came to a head though between dinner and the nap though.  In a moment of frustration, my darling husband uttered  words we had agreed not to share with the kids just yet.  The gist of it was "we may not be here past October if the Navy kicks me out due to my medical problems."  Stopped everyone in their tracks.  We tried to gloss over it and move onto another topic.  But, the two older boys caught on quickly.  What warmed my heart was Matthew offering to get a job and help out with expenses if it meant we could stay so he can finish high school here.  What a darling son! 

After everyone went to bed, hubby and I discussed what may be in store for us over the next few months. It gave me the chance to share my feelings about the situation.  It's scary.  But, I have a peace about it that I know comes from God, which is where I'm placing my trust for our future.  I told my hubby my prayer for us is that God's will and direction for our lives be made clear  as we make choices during the next few months.  I have given my husband my complete support as he is making decisions for our family, asking that he keep me informed each step of the way as we go thru the process of him screening for sea duty and dealing with his back problems.  How that process goes directly determines his future with the Navy, which in turn determines the rest of our choices.  I also confessed to him, my human nature wants to take over and try to control our situation.  I keep thinking I should get a job and he should  put in his retirement papers and look for a GS position so we can stay here until the kids graduate.  But, is that what God wants for us?  Are these urges my desires or nudges from God?  We've always felt that my place was at home with the kids.  The few years I did work were miserable ones - the house was never clean, we ate out a LOT, and we spent little time together as a family.  It was a relief when I quit work.  We do NOT want to return to that lifestyle.

Tonight's talk also gave my husband a chance to voice what he is thinking and feeling.  I hurt for him as I see the concern in his eyes for our future.  I have no doubt he will continue to be a wonderful provider for our family, but I know right now, he has doubts and fears about what to do next.  He knows I'm 100% by his side, supporting him and his decisions.  Hopefully, this gives him some security and relief.  Sometimes I fear it makes him feel more pressured. 

I repeat, it's been quite a day.

**Edited to add - This was started late on Thursday evening, but didn't post until the wee hours of Friday morning.  Oh well, that's what happens when I edit before submitting.  :)  Probably should've had coffee instead of tea to drink.