Nationals.....

It has been a long day and isn't over yet.  But, it soon will be.  Today was the big competition for our two eldest sons.  It was the NJROTC Area 5 Competition to determine who would go to the NJROTC Nationals Competition in Pensacola, FL on April 8 & 9.  The top 10 schools from our area competed against each other for two slots at Nationals. Our school has placed well enough to go to Nationals the past few years.  This year that was not the case. 

How do I feel about that?  Conflicted sums it up nicely.  Let me explain.

Part of me feels really sad for our kids.  They have worked hard recently preparing for this competition.  But, I didn't see a high level of commitment this year among the cadets.  I don't think they wanted it as much as the other schools.  Part of me feels upset that our cadets didn't put forth more effort all year long and especially today.  It seemed as if the cadets thought they were guaranteed a slot simply because they have gone the past few years. And, finally, part of me is relieved.  I wasn't looking forward to making the trip to FL over Spring Break.  We are having something special that weekend at church that I really want to attend.  Nationals (and being there for my sons) was competit ing for my time and attention.  Now I don't have to make the choice.  It was made for me today. 

Does that make me a bad Mom?  To want to do "my" thing more than something for my kids?  After all, I do something for them almost every day for NJROTC.  Is it okay to be a little "selfish" for a change?  Why do I struggle with that?  Should I struggle with this question?  How do I change?  Should I change? 

These questions will not be answered tonight.  Probably because I don't have my coffee with me.  In fact, I've only had one cup of coffee today - a grande skinny caramel macchiato from Starbucks.   This could explain my questions and lack of answers tonight.  Too late now.  I'm heading for bed.  Time change tonight means an early start tomorrow....  Coffee must be involved as I start my morning.  Time to set the brew cycle for tomorrow morning.  :)